The Love that Exemplifies Your Relationship with Me

First of all, I just want to say that doing this blog for Lent has really changed my life. It came exactly when I needed it, because I am in a phase in my life where I really need guidance, particularly in my relationships/ ideas about relationships with guys and with God. You ladies have helped me and inspired me so much, and I am so thankful for each and every one of you, even those I have not met. These past few weeks, things have been kind of rough all over again, when I thought they were clearing up. There is a TON of drama in my friend group, and I'm really worried about several people and the cohesiveness of the group in general. Besides that, I of course have some sort of lingering feelings for the guy I most recently dated, Kenny, and I know that he definitely still really likes me so I'm trying to not make things too hard on him. The feelings that are much more deeply affecting me, though, are those for my boyfriend before him, the guy I dated for 2 and a half years, Mike. Since Kenny and I broke up, I have finally had to deal with how much I miss Mike. In fact, I have realized that some part of me, and I don't know how strong or big that part is, is still in love with Mike. Also, my grandma, though she has amazingly lived 2 and a half weeks longer than the doctors gave her, is still doing really poorly and it's difficult to call her and hear how much pain she's in or worse...not be able to understand her at all. So that's what I'm dealing with. And in all of this, there is some stupid voice at the back of my head that is telling me to just get back with Kenny or Mike or find some other guy because in times like these I NEED a boyfriend to comfort me and support me and help me through it. Having been in relationships for so long, this is the kind of thing I have convinced myself-that I physically can NOT do this alone. But this blog is helping me. A lot. From the phrase in the prayer about finding a love that exemplifies your relationship with Christ, I realized three things. A) I don't need a boy for those things- I just need God. B) I am NOT happy enough with my relationship with God that I would want exactly that sort of relationship with my future husband. C) But... I have this awesome time while I'm single to improve that relationship so that it IS the kind of marriage I want someday! So, I'm going to start modeling my relationship with God a little more on what I want in my marriage someday. I need to spend more time with Him, talk to Him more, listen to Him more, get to know Him better, go out of my way to serve Him every day. Everything I intend to do for or with my future husband someday, I want to do for or with God right now...and more! I am training myself in how to love my imperfect future husband by learning first how to do something a bit easier- to love a perfect God. I challenge each of you beautiful young women to ask yourself this question: "Do I want my future marriage to look like my current relationship with God?" If not, then start building something with God that, when it takes a similar shape on earth, will be everything you ever wanted and more.