Friends,
I love this blog idea. I only know some of you but, we're all sisters in Christ and I am glad to have this community. Though we are all struggling, we struggle together. My currently struggle reminds me of a Bible verse my friend Cara, who I'm sure is y'alls friend too, gave me at the end of a retreat:
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." - 1 Corinthians 10:13
I want to be as strong against temptation as God believes that I am. My boyfriend of 2 and a half years (as of this Sunday) is coming up to visit for his whole spring break. In my heart and in my head, I know what I want and I know what I don't want to happen, or rather, what I don't want myself to do or let happen. I know my weakness, I know how it eats away at my thoughts. My longing for purity and chastity gets attacked by these thoughts, these justifications, these pathetic excuses to let my guard down, to succumb to the sins of the flesh. When I read the Shorter Christian Prayer for this Lenten season, there is a line in the Concluding Prayer that always speaks to me.
"Lord, by the good works you inspire, help us to discipline our bodies and to be renewed in spirit."
This is my plea always but especially now that it's Lent. It's about dying to self, it's about giving up those desires of the flesh.
"Just keep looking off and away, up to me, or you'll miss what I have to show you. And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you. With a love far more wonderful than you would ever dream. You see, until you are ready, I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time. Until you are both satisfied exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won't be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me."
This part gets me every time. I already feel like my relationship with my boyfriend is great. To imagine that it could be even more wonderful is incredible. There are times when I play the seductress, the temptress. Before I would say things and be excited that he's fallen under my spell but, that's exactly what it is, a spell, a trick and I can't believe that I have just made his spirit weaker. Now though, I am disappointed when my tempting works and it is a sign to me that God still has a lot of work to do in both of us.
This upcoming week is going to be difficult. I need to focus on maintaining my prayer life while he's here, hopefully he'll join me, and feel how I feel. I can't pray about being a child of God then turn around and destroy that desire with my body. Please keep me in your prayers.
Hi Lauren! I don't know you, but I definitely understand what you're saying. As I said, my boyfriend and I dated for almost exactly 2 and a half years, and we definitely succumbed to sexual temptation a lot more than I would like to claim. I was ashamed of the second life I was hiding from my church friends, and that is something you never want to feel. Now, I have made a firm commitment to myself in my new relationship and any to come that I will draw the line at kissing, because everything else just starts a slippery slope that is so hard to stop. Keep in constant communication with your boyfriend about what is ok with you and what isn't, and pray together often for the Holy Spirit's strength to help you! You, and everyone else reading this, will definitely be in my prayers, because your chastity is a beautiful gift to cherish and protect.
ReplyDeleteLauren,
ReplyDeleteI will be honest, I have never been in a long term relationship. But I do know what temptation is and how hard it can be sometimes. Even though I have never had a serious relationship, I can imagine how hard it can be to want to be so close with that person, but yet know you have to wait. But, try not to look at his visit as an, "I hope I can hold myself back." Look at it as an opportunity to become closer with him in Christ. Since you guys don't get to see each other often, this is a perfect time for you to get to know each other even better than you already do. You are in my prayers!
Jen
In James 3:4, we are told that we are like ships “even though [we] are driven by fierce winds, [we] are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot’s inclination wishes.”
ReplyDeleteSometimes temptations will guide our lives. I struggle with it too Lauren and succumb to it more times than not. I will be praying for you this week. Be strong, girl!
When I find myself struggling in this way I also like to go back to this verse: "Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body." 1Corinthians 6:19-20. These verses can be a good wake-up call for me to remember that I need to respect my body because it is a holy temple for the Lord. If anyone else is to respect my body, it must start with me respecting myself.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the advice. It is extremely tough since he is here but with this blog and the prayer in my mind and on my heart, I feel more strongly convicted to say no. I know my weakness, I know the pleasure but I know the pain that follows from giving in. Give it up and look to God. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
ReplyDeleteLauren,
ReplyDeleteOnce again, your openness to share your struggles is astounding. Here is something that I had a great ah-ha! moment when I read it, "All sin starts from the assumption that my false self, the self that exists only in my own egocentric desires, is the fundamental reality of life to which everything else in the universe is ordered. Thus I use up my life in the desire for pleasures and the thirst for experiences, for power, honor, knowledge, and love to clothe this false self and construct its nothingness into something objectively real. And I wind experiences around myself and cover myself with pleasures and glory like bandages in order to make myself perceptible to myself and to the world, as if I were an invisible body that could only become visible when something visible covered its surface." But the secret is that it only makes us more visible in the world.
I'll keep you in my prayers, m'dear! :)
love,
Christine
The saddest part about this whole thing is that I did succumb. That even with prayers and this blog and everything, I still did. Not only did I succumb, I initiated. The worst part was that for some reason the guilt was gone. Instead of feeling bad in my heart, it was my head that was asking me, really? why don't you feel bad?
ReplyDeleteFinally, Kelby and I talked about it. We laid it all out and made a vow to each other to neither tempt, seduce, pressure, allow, submit, or succumb to it anymore. I wish that I was strong enough to have said no many times over in the past but perhaps this is just how I work. I need to jump in the water to know how cold it is instead of staying on the shore. I am seriously more confident than ever after having committed this horrible deed yet again to stop. Like I said, I know the pleasure and the pain. I get it now, I get sex, I get what it is, how it feels, and can now put it aside for when Kelby and I are actually ready.
I had him read our Lenten prayer and I think it made an impression on him and what we should be doing with our relationship. I'm solid now, I can finally put up an iron gate against this temptation.