love is the one wild card in life.

Hey ladies!

I just got back from my Alternative Spring Break today and am so excited to join in on this blog with you all. I think this is such a wonderful idea for the Lenten season.

I must agree with things you have all said. Jen, I completely understand your feelings of frustration and wondering when your prince will come. This is something I question quite often, especially with college coming to an end and knowing I'll be going into the real world soon. I think I've always just thought that I'd find "the one" while I was in college and know that going out of college I'd have my whole life lined up, my love life, my friends, my career. And I'm realizing that this isn't the case! It's even harder sometimes when I see all of my friends settling down and finding guys and it can be hard being the single one. Caitrin, I also understand your feelings with friends. I've struggled with that this year as well. Thinking people were my closest friends and finding out along the way that they don't prove to be that...can be extremely tough. I feel like sometimes I just give and give and give and end up getting the raw end of the deal. But with all these frustrations I just try to dig deep down in my soul and remember that no matter what, God has a reason for everything. He has a plan, and it might not be what I expect. But in the end, I know that going through all the rough times will make the future that much sweeter in the end.

I love this prayer. I read it and just felt a sense of peace. I think I often struggle with loving myself...I continuously find flaws and think to myself, how can I expect someone to love me when I don't 100% love myself. In saying this prayer I realize that I need to let go, and let God. I need to just be me and see that there's no one else like me, and embrace that. As the saying goes, "you're lucky enough to be different, never change."

I think the part that really struck me this week was..."I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing... one that you cannot even imagine. I want you to have the best!
Please allow Me to bring it to you. Just keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction knowing that I am. Keep listening to and learning the things I tell you. Just wait, that's all.
Don't be anxious. Don't worry. Don't look at the things you think you want. Just keep looking off and away, up to me, or you'll miss what I have to show you. And then, when you're ready, I'll surprise you. With a love far more wonderful than you would ever dream." I've been praying a lot lately for God to send me that love. For me to find that feeling of belonging and knowing that you are meant to be with this one person. And then at some point last week, I stopped. I decided that instead of praying for this to come my way, I would just have faith that it will happen when it is supposed to happen. And just as the prayer says, God brought this love to me. I stopped planning and found a love I didn't imagine finding...one that was even more wonderful than I'd though I would see. And it was a different love than I expected to find. I found this love on my spring break trip in the South Bronx. Going on the trip this week absolutely filled my heart. I let go of all my frustrations or worries or insecurities and went into this experience with an open heart, praying for God to just let me do His will for the week. And through doing so, my heart was filled with an incredible amount of love. I spent the week with kids in an innercity Catholic School, who are surrounded by terrible living conditions, shootings, deaths, yelling, poverty, and so much devastation. I was determined to go into the school and just giving the kids the love and attention they deserve to have. What I wasn't expecting was the love they gave in return. This was my second year at St. Luke's, and it was just as fulfilling, if not more, than last year. From the first day I was there, the kids opened their hearts and latched on to me. Some remembered me for last year and were THRILLED to see me again, which absolutely melted my heart. Through the week, I just spent time with the kids, talking to them, playing with them, encouraging them, and just loving them. And in return, I got a million hugs, thank yous, and i love yous. It made me see that just because these kids are in a horrible area, does not mean they are hopeless. These kids are full of hope. They're full of determination, faith, and love. Saying goodbye to the kids yesterday was heartbreaking because they kept hugging me and holding on to me and begging me not to go. They wrote me notes telling me how much they appreciated me coming to see them and spending time with them and how much they wish I didn't have to leave and how much they would miss me. And then I got an email from one girl, a little fourth grader (an hour after school) that said, "Hi Kati I miss u very much i started crying thats how much i miss u i really hope u come back next year from yvonne love u Kati" Through these kids this week, I saw the light of Christ shining brightly and I left today feeling more loved than I have in a long time.

I guess through this novel I've just written, I've realized from this week that love comes in different forms at different times in different ways. But I know that God does have a plan and I have faith that He will provide all that we are looking for. I hope you all feel the love of Christ during this Lenten season :)