This past semester, after going through a lot of messy friendships, I have felt lonely often. Even when I still had people around me to hang out with, get lunch with, etc, I had myself convinced that few of them were real, true friends. This all happened because a few of my high school friends were making me feel like a terrible person for some of the choices I was making in my romantic life. That they were confused about what I was doing and that it looked bad to them is not what got me. It's that I could affect how much they thought of me, and how much they loved me, with just one simple action. That hurts!
You've known me for 8 years...Don't you know who I am? Don't you know that I would never desire to hurt you? Are you really going to weigh one action that you don't understand against the person and the friend I have been to you for half your life?
All I wanted to hear, from anyone, was "Caitrin, I love you. As a person. In spite of the mistakes you've made, in spite of the confusion you're in, in spite of decisions I may not agree with...I love you! There is nothing you could do to change how much I love you."
I think God put this desire for unconditional love in my heart so I could rediscover that His love is the only truly unconditional love. A really good friend, or especially a parent, can get pretty close, but God has got it down completely. We all need unconditional love, we all thirst for it daily, and I think this is one reason every girl wants a boyfriend. Ladies, please understand that finding a boyfriend will NOT result in you finding an unconditional love. The only true source of that kind of love is in Jesus Christ. No man can love you like Him, and no man so deeply desires to love you as He does, either! Works out pretty well. :)
Romans 8:35-38. Some of my favorite verses ever. "Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
ReplyDeleteCaitrin,
ReplyDeleteI, too, have been struggling with friendships. They can become really messy situations, really fast. However, everyone who walks into your life is meant to be there at that time. Very few friends will be around forever, and those who do stick around? They are a true treasure.
"Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter:
whoever finds one has found a treasure.
Faithful friends are beyond price;
no amount can balance their worth.
Faithful friends are life-saving medicine;
and those who fear the Lord will find them.”
-Sirach 6:14-16
Something that I have learned is that even though my friendships with others may not have always worked out, I have never regretted being friends with any of them. They walked into my life at a time when I needed them, and that is something I'll never forget.