As a Catholic School teacher, I face many (dare I say) interesting Catholics on a daily basis. I will not go into detail because I shall not judge as a Catholic (Those without sin shall cast the first stone), but one individual that I met truly rubbed me the wrong way. At a conference back in August, she suggested that we make a poster to put in our classroom. The poster should say "The Catholic faith is not a menu, you cannot pick and choose what you want to believe." Now, I apologize if any of you feel that this a true statement, but I feel that there are times that we are challenged in our faith. Yes, we have the Catechism, but each one of us challenges with sin.
Steve and I both struggle with a variety of temptations and have succumbed to those temptations. We are in the market to purchase a house before we get married (I could give you a million and one reasons behind this). I am struggling between what I know we need to do versus what we're "supposed" to do as Catholics. I wouldn't say that I'm not Catholic because I do things a little bit differently though. I'm at Mass every weekend. I have a strong relationship with God and the man of my dreams. Honestly, I'm struggling more with how other Catholics view my sin rather than how God views my sin. Thoughts?
Alison, First of all I want you to know that this blog is a place of 0 judgment, ok? Second of all, I have had a lot of the same feelings recently, where I worry more about what others think of my actions than what I actually believe about them, or more importantly what God thinks. This is not right, and we should bring EVERYTHING to God 1st, and put His opinion above all others. That being said, I can also give you a million and 1 reasons even apart from morality that living together before you're married is just not a good idea. I don't know if you guys are having premarital sex or not- if you are, and you're in the definite phases of discerning marriage, my encouragement would be to stop. It's never too late to save that for each other, and like Father says if "nothing changes then nothing changes." The divorce rate of people who cohabitate before marriage is incredible. If you love this man and want to have a stable relationship with him for the rest of your life, my advice is to NOT move in together before marriage. Don't decide not to live together because others see it as morally wrong and will judge you. Do it because you don't want anything to hurt your chances of having a healthy and successful marriage. This is far more important than anyone's opinion. Finally, of course you're still a Catholic! To quote Father again, there is nothing you can do to make yourself "not a Catholic" short of renouncing the Church entirely. Instead, you can just be a "Catholic in need of reform." Pray, and search out God's word in your life. He will show you exactly where He needs you to be right now.
ReplyDeleteAli,
ReplyDeleteexcellent to distinguish discontent with the Church vs with other Catholics. That being said, I think that if you know that y'all already have difficulty in the temptation department, whatever that may mean & let me echo Caitrin with the judgement free zone -- 0 judgement --, my concern is that the co-owned house would intensify that. The physical separation of 2 different residences helps to clear the mind because it is too far to only be "thinking in the moment" and be clouded by that. If you have to go home to go to bed, you have to leave, physically move away from the temptation at least as far as a dwelling unit away [but more realistically via a vehicle]. If you cohabitate, even if you are sleeping in different rooms, you're 15 footsteps away. Those footsteps are quickly taken. And to once again echo Caitrin, that kind of cloudiness can impair your relationship with God and your future marital relationship.
Additionally, there is something to be said about luxuriating in each phase of the journey. You two love each other deeply, and desire to serve God through your married life together someday off in the not so distant future. But, as of yet, it is still in the future. Take comfort in where you are, but also don't try to advance the clock---time moves along fast enough by itself! As we wait, our ears are extra pricked [methinks] and so it is a marvelous opportunity to really sit still and listen. If we advance the future, temptation is far too great to do what WE will instead of what God wills.
I am quite happy for you, though! What an exciting time in your life! :)